OSCARS FOR REALS

So I finally saw Good Night, Good Luck to confirm that Capote is the indeed best picture of the year. Consider it confirmed. Here are my quick takes on this year's nominees:

1. Capote
Why is it the best? The filmmakers weave the moral complexity of Truman Capote's actions around In Cold Blood with a light touch, but it's there and even-handed enough to make you think.

2. Brokeback Mountain
Why is it second best? Because it has supplied heterosexual men a generation's worth of jokes to deflect their unease regarding homo anal invasion.

3. Good Night, Good Luck
Why is it third best? Because it's not homoerotic enough. Strathairn and Clooney make a good newsroom buddy combo, but it's no Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, it's no Jack and Ennis, hell, it's not even Riggs and Murtaugh. The film is politically and historically involving but completely devoid of people to care about.

4. Crash
Why is it second worst? Because this film should have been titled See Crash to Assuage White Guilt. Every white person in this film is a business-suited Klansperson. Every 10 minutes, we're treated to a freshman-level sociology lecture on racism. Naturally, the Academy loves it.

5. Munich
Why is it the worst? Spielberg says Arabs suck and Jews rock but sometimes even the Jews are forced to get medieval on Arabs because the Arabs started it by going jihad on the Jews. Well, I could have read The New York Times to learn that instead of watch 130 minutes of Spielberg bathing his star of David in CGI-enhanced white light.