Afros, Traffic and Rice

I'm in NYC and Gertrude has been delivered back to Steve. Gertrude and I have traveled 3,710 miles over 2 weeks!

We're both showing signs of some wear and tear. Gertrude's front tires need some more air and I think the cigarette lighter is broken. I have not fared as well--lower back pain and driving ankle pain coupled with shoulder strain. I have new found respect for truck drivers, even those tailgating me at 85 miles an hour.

From Cleveland's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, I drove through Pennsylvania to the Pocono area:
1) This was a gorgeous stop after a few days in the cities. The landscape changed from skyscrapers and asphalt potholes to rolling hills of densely packed trees, meandering curvy country roads and quaint steeple churches.

The hills looked like they had a dark green Afro wig on; individual trees seemed to have dense swirly pompoms for canopies.

2) I stayed at a wonderful bed & breakfast--Chestnut Hill Inn. Highly recommended. Breakfast was a hearty meal. Debbie, one of the innkeepers, has an unique laugh that gathered speed as the laugh went along. hhaahahahaHAHAHAHAHA! :-)

3) The air was crisp, the night sky full of stars and the road full of crazed drivers taking the winding roads at 70 miles an hour. A great juxtaposition of relaxation and stress.


After Pennsylvania, I started to head out to Rhode Island to see Carrie!
1) However, I did NOT make it to visit Carrie and Chris. :-( I had to take 95N, through NY, NJ and Connecticut to get to Rhode Island.

From NYC, it took me about 2 hours to go 35 miles. Yes, that's right. I tried timing it so that I would miss both the morning and afternoon rush hours. I realize now that there's ALWAYS traffic here.

I had to turn back. I would have reached Providence well after dinner and Carrie had her family visiting the next day so I turned back to New York.

This was disappointing as the visit was a major highlight for me but the traffic just broke down my resolve.


So, I got to NYC a day earlier and god, I love this city!
1) One of the most wonderful and overwhelming aspect of NYC is the fact that it makes you feel all five senses. Here's my first two days:
- Sound: Honking. Liberal use of it.

- Sight: A car lifted itself onto three wheels with its front left tire off the ground, bouncing up and down. It looked like a dog waving its paw at us on a Saturday night at Times Square.

- Taste: Rice! After two weeks, rice for the first time. SOOOOOO GOOD. Of course, the Korean feast Steve and Jee treated me to helped too--seafood, grilled beef, cod soup.

- Smell: Pungent bursts of fermenting sewer/trash as you cross each street light, sandwiching the aromas of grilling meats and caramelizing nuts from the food carts.

- Feel: The hug of a friend after two long weeks on the road. I didn't realize how much I missed seeing a familiar face until I met up with Steve and Jee. There's also the feel of a stranger who wanted to give me a "trial" of his massage services at a street fair. Yeah.

2) I saw a revival of "Sweet Charity" on Broadway. Christina Applegate was surprisingly good although her singing does not compare to that of Ana Gasteyer's in "Wicked". It's a touching story of hope and persistence.

3) In one day of walking (4 miles of traipsing up/down the city), I got to go to a farmers' market, a street fair, and a music and art festival. There is so much life here, almost suffocatingly distracting.


There is so much to do here in NYC, especially now that I have the basic tourist sights visited. It's going to be a great week of seeing Leland again, lots of food, music and sleeping in. Oh and SHOPPING.

I had a great time doing this trip, being open to whatever may come on the road coupled with religious planning of every day's route, accommodations and activities. :-) I am a big believer of planned spontaneousness.
This is the last of the posts! Thanks for sharing the trip with me.

Jess

FROM JESS: HILARY DUFF, WICKED, & 2PAC

It's been a great few days of traveling, resting and clean clothes! I am looking forward to seeing people I know soon--I have been in nun-like silence for most of the trip and am looking forward to talking non-stop for 20 or 30 hours straight.

Carrie, Steve, Leland--I'll see you soon!

From the kid with the porn request in Sioux Falls, I headed off for Madison.
1) I stopped at the SPAM museum. It was awesome. Seriously. I love SPAM. There are over 20 varieties of SPAM. A can of SPAM is eaten every 3 seconds. However, no free samples at the museum, cheapskates.

2) I hit the first incident of real traffic getting into Madison. I waited in line to exit off the highway for about half an hour. Then this jerk (Ford F150 license plate BL 55-908) cut right in front of me.

After checking in to the hotel, I found out that the traffic was for the Hilary Duff concert at the coliseum. What the hell is a 30-year male Republican in a Ford truck doing at a Hilary Duff concert?

3) As I was panting away on the hotel treadmill, a sweet Northern Wisconsin high school teacher boosted my ego and energy. She stopped by twice to tell me how great I was doing and to ask "How does it feel when your body does what you tell it to do?".

I laughed and told her that I was trying, trying, trying to complete a marathon at some point in my life. I will remember her when I eventually cross that marathon finish line.

4) I had to pay toll FIVE TIMES within a 30 mile stretch for a total of $4.20. It's not the cost, but the numerous stops. People. Be more efficient. Get the $4.20 all in one shot.

5) I took a picture for a couple, the man in a "California" t-shirt. I asked if he was from California. In horror, the woman said, "No, no, no! Germany!" I declined to announce that I was a Californian.


From Madison, Gertrude and I stopped in Chicago for a much need 2-day layover.
1) The McCormick Hyatt was a godsend. The staff could not be more helpful and what other 4-star hotel has a LAUNDROMAT?

Gertrude got to rest and I got to have clean clothes again. While I do shower daily, my clean clothes supply was dwindling.

2) In one my full day in Chicago, I managed to take 3 city tours and see "Wicked". It is my opinion that you cannot take enough tours.

Tour 1: Awesome architectural cruise. I took the one with the Chicago Architecture Foundation and boy, do they know their stuff. You'll have to wait for the pictures. Words don't do it justice.

Tour 2: Double-decker bus tour. A fast way to see a lot of the city. Favorite moment on the tour--a man turns to his wife and says excitedly, "Remember that's where we protested Ford, that nincompoop?"

Also, I feel asleep on the tour and got a sunburn on my nose. The 90-degree heat and convertible-feel of the bus just did me in.

Tour 3: Drunken Ike. I was his last and only customer on the "Ethnic Neighborhoods" tour. He helped himself to coffee doctored up with something STRONG and a few cigarettes. I got a chance to see how a trolley could weave in/out of rush hour traffic as nimbly as any behind-schedule bike messenger in SF.

3) "Wicked" was great. Not too great of a story line but this production starred Ana Gasteyer from Saturday Night Live. She is an extremely talented singer. I was awed by her. The Oriental Theater was also gorgeous with its ornate carvings of dragons, Buddhas, etc. Well worth the splurge!

4) I have fallen in love with Chicago. The Stain Glass Museum. The Ferris wheel ride over the city at Sunset (I did have a death grip on the safety bars). The amazing amount of open space. The fact that the mayor has re-appropriated another 100 acres for public use. Oh, and PEOPLE OF COLOR. Lots of us.


Last night, I drove into Cleveland:
1) The hotel parking valet lived on Irving and 34th in SF a few years ago. We're at Noriega and 34th! Almost neighbors. What a small world it is.

2) The only reason I stopped here was the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It was such a worthwhile stop! I only got to spend two hours there before they closed up.

Highlights of the museum:
- You can listen to the 500 songs that shaped rock and roll. In the 90's decade, they had Dr. Dre, LL Cool J and Queen Latifah. NO 2PAC! I am going to be mounting a campaign to correct this oversight.
- A collection of ~100 Duran Duran pins! They were cool. Ah, the memories. Nick was my favorite. Simon was a stage-hogger.
- The hour-long music presentation of all the Hall of Fame inductees. I think I was the only person singing along. I didn't care; I was having so much fun I almost started dancing!

3) Clay Aiken was in town last night. Needless to say, I am glad I hit the museum instead.


Misc. road notes:
- Cool city names: Welcome, MN and Blue Earth, MN (where the 60' Green Giant resides)
- Astronaut and Bike Museum at exit 15 in WI off of 90E. Who know that the two modes of travel shared any similarities?
- 2-hour emergency parking limits on the highways here. Why? It's an emergency, right? Like your car won't move?
- A semi-truck with the hand-painted sign "Ivan storm relife". I wonder if the spelling was intentional.
- A man had on his Jewish skullcap. Nothing unusual until he turned around and I saw the word "Joker" embroidered on it. :-)

Hasta, mis amigos.
J

Stepping Up to Supervisor

Don't know why I found this so sadly comic but at the cafe I frequent, I saw a middle-aged man with a double-chin doing a crossword puzzle in the Examiner (used to be a SF newspaper before it became a tabloid without the sensationalism - which makes it a deadwater journalism for junior-high level readers). The book he had been reading was entitled: Stepping Up to Supervisor, a guide for new supervisors.

One needs a guide for this? There are special "supervisor" skills that one must acquire in a book? Like crossing one's arms and furrowing one's brow? Was that in the chapter on Supervising Sternness?

What's next? 300-page How-to Guides on Taking Coffee Orders?

FROM JESS: HAIR FLOSS, BISON, & OUTERCOURSE

Gertrude and I have traveled 2,073 miles since leaving San Francisco last Sunday. In the last few days we have passed through two time zones and the cities of Jackson, Cody, Rapid City and Sioux Falls.

Thus far, things have gone smoothly for us, knock on the MDF desk I'm sitting at in the Sioux Falls Holiday Inn business center. We "bagged" a butterfly today. It played chicken with us and lost; its mangled body is currently stuck on the windshield wiper tonight.

I left SLC for Jackson some days ago (I don't even know what day of the week it is right now):
1) I rafted down the Snake River right outside of Jackson, WY. I swear my river guide was Santa Claus' younger brother. He had the belly, beard, chipmunk cheeks (he and I could be twins if he was Asian) and those glasses Santa favors.

Oh, and he was wise too. Just like Santa.
- "That's natural selection working right there..." says Santa's little brother as we paddle pass a group of rafters going down the river without life jackets.

2) I met a very nice man from Kuwait. During dinner, I asked him how much gas actually cost in Kuwait. He said he could fill his rental car tank up for $15 in Kuwait rather than the $50 he paid that day in the US.

He also expressed sympathy for the US soldiers in Iraq. I wondered if he said that to every American he met.

I told him I felt sympathy for all those involved, not just the US soldiers but the civilians, other countries' solderers, etc. He brushed that aside and said, "Yes, yes, of course but the US is taking on so much of the struggle."

We stared at each other briefly and then quickly went back to gnawing on our corn on the cob and talked about how San Francisco was doomed for another earthquake.

3) "Chris is using my hair to floss!" This coming from Chris' girlfriend after the rafting dinner. Both Chris and his girlfriend were dumped into the river during the trip downstream.

This is the only excuse I have for their behavior. I was good enough not to laugh out loud in front of them. And yes, he WAS using her flaxen hair (still attached to her head) as dental floss. I saw it with my own eyes, people.


From Jackson, I went through at least 6 million national parks, forests, patches of dirt on my way to Cody. It was all so beautiful and then dull as mashed potatoes without gravy after 5 hours of driving.
1) Carrie was right. If you've seen one mountain, you've really seen them all. Unless of course they have faces carved onto them (more on that later).

2) I encountered HAIL going through Yellowstone. During one particularly rough patch, cars were stopping, annoying me even more because I was sick of driving and trees and scenic routes and RVs.

I sat there fuming at the lameness of tourists and their need to stop at everything, even hail. Then, I looked up. A herd of bison had surrounded us. It was awesome.

But let me tell you that bison in person look like bison in the pictures. The camera does not add 10 pounds to them.

3) The Cody Rodeo kicked off with Black Eye Peas' "Let's Get It Started" and a prayer. I think I got dirty looks when I did not "Amen" with them'all. Give me a break. Did I give them dirty looks when they weren't bopping along to "Let's Get It Started"?

4) The older gentleman innkeeper told me there was only one nightclub in Cody. Somehow, I think his one good eye mistaken me for someone who actually would fit in at a nightclub.

Oh, and the "nightclub" had line dancing...in case I was into that.


From Cody, I went off to Rapid City:
1) The Mt. Rushmore viewing/ceremony at night is a sight to behold. It was sweet. Almost too sweet, like the third pint of Ben & Jerry's.

First is the reading of the poem "Raggedy Old Flag". Touching, in a good way.

Second is the film about American and its legacy of FREEDOM. I could have done without it. I know about freedom. Freedom is the freedom to decide what freedom means individually. Freedom for my family and I is the ability to study, travel, own a business and to buy large screen TVs. Freedom for my family and I is NOT beating the British 200 years ago.

Third is the folding of the flag by war veterans, active service men/women and their families after Mt. Rushmore is lighted and the national anthem is sung by the audience. This was really the best moment of the night along with the bright stars glistening in the indigo sky.

2) I met a couple from Casper, WY. They had visited San Francisco last year. They compared the culture shock they encountered in Chinatown to that I would encounter at the Sturgis Motorcycle Week.

The Sturgis Motorcycle Rally is a gathering of thousands of (mostly) Harley-riding enthusiasts celebrating the Zen-ness of riding hogs and wearing leather. The couple equated them to the pink-bag-totting little old Chinese ladies in Chinatown. I agree with them that both groups incite the same level of fear in me.


From Rapid City, I went through the Badlands:
1) Dang, it's beautiful there. Take the Grand Loop drive. Bring water and sunscreen. It was heaven for me in the 90-degree weather.


Misc. road notes:
- Buffalo takes like beef jerky. I wonder if Buffalo jerky takes like chicken.
- Arnold, our beloved California terminator, had "outercourse" with his "friend", Gigi. Go to the LA Times for this story. He is why Northern California should secede and form its own state.
- Did you know that the Russian Communist hard-liners are behind Al Qaeda and the 911 attacks? He was on NPR. Is he crazy? http://www.commondreams.org/views03/0906-05.htm
- "Idaho is too great to litter" billboards. I hate states that talk about themselves in the third person.
- "Stop and rest your oxen" billboard right outside of Montpelier, Idaho. The oxen union is certainly protecting its members!
- Card games are considered sinful and are not allowed in Iowa's casinos...land-based casinos. Card games, dice games, etc. ARE allowed on floating casinos. There are two sets of gambling laws.
- A drunken KID just came into the business center and told me that he would like to see me in some live porn. Sigh. Why can't LL COOL JJ come in and say that to me?

Boyz In The Hood of Rio

Rarely is a movie everything the critics and the filmmakers promise it to be. One such film is City of God. An epic coming-of-age story that never overplays its hand, City of God is Boyz In The Hood with more breadth, scope and ambition than John Singleton could achieve in three lifetimes. Based on the gigantonormous bildungsroman by Paulo Lins, the adaptation follows a boy named Rocket over two decades in Cidide de Deus, a ghetto in Rio De Janeiro so shanty that seven year-olds kill seven year-olds (does it get shantier?). Rocket, played by Alexandre Rodriguez, earns every scrap of dignity and sympathy he deserves and the characters that orbit him elevate the film into territory rarely touched on film, giving the themes a resonance more typically found in Garcia-Marquez novels or Greek tragedies.

Sundance Catalog-Order Bride Free At Last

For those of you who don't know Rip Torn just by his name, you would surely remember him by his face. With his antiquated magician's Van Dyck and generally comic-book haggard features, he is well-cast as a narcissistic rock-and-rock legend in the new independent film, Forty Shades of Blue, a Sundance Film Festival selection. He attacks the role with verve from the very first scenes, which portray him penning and mumbling an acceptance speech (presumably for a lifetime achievement award), while ignoring his striking Russian girlfriend (played by Dina Korzun). It's as if Torn is making up for lost time, finally freed from the one-dimensional supporting roles in blockbuster films like Men in Black, Dodgeball and the baroque classic Freddy Got Fingered.

As you might be able to tell, I admire Rip Torn both for his career and his pornstar name. Sadly, I can't say the same for Forty Shades of Blue. For those who still think the Sundance Film Festival selection stamp is an independent film quality assurance seal, Forty Shades of Blue is an Extinction Level Event for such a quaint notion.

The plot goes something like this: Korzun plays a Russian mail-order girlfriend. Apparently, in Memphis, rock-and-roll legends get to do the mail-order bride thing without actually doing the marriage part. Rip Torn is an irascible, philandering scoundrel. A miserable Korzun stays off the meds by taking care of their 3 year-old son. Torn's emotionally deflated, but hunky son (played by the brutally dull Darren Burrows) comes home from LA to celebrate his father's lifetime achievement award and ends up fucking his stepmother. Burrows apparently comes from the Ed Burns and Richard Gere School of Acting in which the Eyebrow Method (80% of a character is defined by minimal eyebrow movements) is taught as seriously as intelligent design at Bob Jones University.

Can we please ban movies, books, plays, music videos about suburban adultery? When there's a war in Iraq and Afghanistan, $8 dollar per gallon oil prices, nukes in North Korea and Iran but not in Iraq, UK cops shooting random Arabs on subways at point-blank range 8 or 9 times for wearing that suicide bomber uniform, The Denim Jacket, the last thing I want to consider as high-stakes drama is unfulfilled people fucking other unfulfilled people only to realize that they're still, yes, rather unfulfilled. Ira Sachs, the director of Forty Shades of Blue foregoes any modern context, any distinct setting (other than the dead-on interior of Rip Torn's dated Gracelandesque living room), and most pathetically, actually expects us to care about this low stakes, faux-Oedipal plot with characters who are no better together than apart. It's as if he's been playing poker with Richard Ford and Hanif Kureshi for the last ten years ("You cannot mix irony with adultery. Adultery is too big. The Iliad was all about adultery, you know. All in!"). Korzun even writes a song entitled Forty Shades of Blue (wow, coincidence!) and sings it during the film! At least have the decency as a filmmaker to make us laugh once, Ira!

Please send a spam letter to Robert Redford pleading him to donate funds to my fictional Save The Sundance Screenplay foundation. My foundation would donate a few lines of well-written dialogue to one of the many script-challenged Sundance selections. We might even donate lines directly to Dina Korzun, the noble Russian leading actress obviously working for scale when she should have been working for a few sandwiches. She's much too good of an actress to be in films like this.

The same can be said for Rip Torn. If you'd like to see a decent film set in Memphis about half-interesting people that actually looks and feels like, well, Memphis, you might want to spend your $10 on Hustle & Flow. For all its pimp-with-a-heart-of-gold commercialism, at least the movie bothered to have a point.

Welcome to The Treuk Stop

Welcome to the Treuk Stop, a pop culture review site penned by me and my girlfriend Jessi Tran. Tran Cheuk or Treuk. I hope you enjoy.